


Learning Vulnerability

by im_the_king_of_the_ocean



Series: And They Were Quarantined... [3]
Category: Carmen Sandiego (Cartoon 2019)
Genre: Character Study, F/F, Introspection, sorta - Freeform, started out as a quarantine fic, turned into a
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-08
Updated: 2020-06-08
Packaged: 2021-03-03 18:37:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24600151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/im_the_king_of_the_ocean/pseuds/im_the_king_of_the_ocean
Summary: Carmen thinks about the meaning of family while stuck in Jules's apartment during a quarantine.
Relationships: Julia "Jules" Argent/Carmen Sandiego | Black Sheep
Series: And They Were Quarantined... [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1686709
Comments: 5
Kudos: 227





	Learning Vulnerability

“Sunk your battleship.”

Player splutters his protest over their comms.Carmen smiles.This is the third game they’ve played.They each won one of the previous ones and this is the tie-breaker.So far, Carmen’s winning.

Carmen hears footsteps in the hallway outside the apartment.She focuses on the sound, the rhythm of the steps.She exhales when she recognizes Julia’s stride and Julia’s stride only.Not that she doesn’t trust Jules after their weeks spent together.It’s just, staying in one location this long makes Carmen feel twitchy.Sure, she’s been keeping as low a profile as possible, but she’s still vulnerable.If either A.C.M.E. or V.I.L.E. comes for her here, where she has little backup and resources?Carmen would very much prefer that not to happen.

“Something up?”Player picks up on her distraction.

“Nothing.”Carmen reassures him.She knows he’s one keystroke away from sending a private jet for her, and the only reason he hasn’t yet is respect for her request not to.Carmen doesn’t want Zack, Ivy, or Shadowsan traveling and putting themselves at risk of infection unnecessarily.She can handle herself just fine.No one but Jules and her team knows she’s here.Everything is fine, will be fine.

“It sounds like Julia’s back,” Carmen continues.“I should go.”

They haven’t told Julia about Player yet.He’s the one relatively unknown person on Carmen’s team.They’ve been extremely careful about who they share information about him with.So far, that’s not Julia.Not yet.

“Alright.”On Carmen’s laptop screen, Player sits back in his seat.“Finish the game later?”

“Later.”Carmen closes her laptop.

She stands and tiptoes to the door.Carefully, she places her hands on it, and then presses her ear to the wood.Carmen can hear Julia speaking Mandarin to the old woman who lives across the hall.It takes Carmen a moment to adjust to listening to a different language, but then she recognizes that the conversation is just small talk while Jules passes over the groceries she bought for her neighbor.

This isn’t the bell tower, Carmen reminds herself.She’s been able to trust Julia for weeks.If Julia has been trying to get Carmen to lower her guard, she would have probably made her move by now.It wasn’t Julia’s plan to ambush Carmen in Stockholm either.Chief was the one who made that call.Julia had only wanted to talk.

Carmen steps away.She hesitates, and then returns to the couch.She sits, places her hands in her lap, inhales with her whole frame, and then exhales.Everything is fine.She’s _fine_.

Trust isn’t something that comes easily to Carmen.Not anymore, at least.She wants it to be.She wants to have a family, people she’s comfortable around no matter what, and she _does._ It’s just…

The V.I.L.E. faculty were her family too, once upon a time.Carmen had never thought of Coach Brunt quite as a mother, but the woman was affectionate, loving, and arguably spent the most time out of any of them with Carmen while she grew up.

But, Coach Brunt’s affection, Carmen is realizing in hindsight, came with a dash of possessiveness.Coach Brunt had loved her _conditionally_.When Carmen stopped meeting the requisite conditions, when she turned against V.I.L.E., that was the bitter end of it.Carmen hasn’t admitted it to anyone, but it still hurts.The Faculty had been her family growing up.Carmen knows, technically speaking, she turned against them _first_ , but the fact that they hadn’t really tried to see things from her point of view, that they’d forcibly tried to bring her back into the fold, and then declared her their enemy when they couldn’t, did sting.

She had worth to them as a thief, but not as herself, as _Carmen_.They’d never been a family, just an evil organization and the daughter of one of their former colleagues who they considered a traitor.Carmen knows she shouldn’t _ache_ this much over it (she’s technically even gotten Shadowsan back, so there’s that), but she still _wants_ a family.

One that won’t betray her.

Carmen wants to believe Zack and Ivy won’t (although they almost left her already once, and she can’t really blame them for that.If returning to racing is what they want, she won’t keep them from it).Neither will Player or Shadowsan (although Player has an entire outside life that she barely knows about and Shadowsan is…well Shadowsan).Carmen hopes Jules won’t, but _that_ already came into question once.

The thing is, Carmen once believed the Faculty would never intentionally try to hurt her too.She despises thinking about it, but a tiny part of her does wonder if the next betrayal is already on its way.If the friends she now considers her family will…

Carmen sighs.She doesn’t want to be like this.She really, really doesn’t want to be like this.

But she’s scared too.

Julia enters the apartment, arms full of groceries, before Carmen’s thoughts can go on any more of a downward spiral.Seeing Julia struggle with juggling to maintain her hold on the grocery bags while closing the door, Carmen gets up to help.

“Thanks.”Julia smiles at Carmen, while handing over one bag with a couple baguettes sticking out.“How was your day?”She leads the way into the kitchen.“For dinner, I was thinking dumplings?”

“Sounds good.” Carmen nods noncommittally.She remains quiet as Julia begins unpacking foods and putting them away in either the fridge or the cupboard.

“You know, if you’d like, you can make them with me?”Julia’s soft smile, and her body language, indicate the offer is a genuine one.

Carmen wants this.She wants the comfortable, _safe_ way it makes her feel.

But, what if this feeling won’t last?

Knowing Jules expects an answer, Carmen doesn’t make eye contact.A part of her wants to run, but a stronger part of her wants to stay, to see what’ll happen.Eventually, Carmen looks up.

“That would be wonderful.”

It’s possible she’ll just be hurt again, but she wants to at least try regardless.


End file.
